Lauren is just about to turn three,
which means she gets to move from being a "toddler" to becoming a
"pre-k." I get so excited about the curriculum and programs and
workbooks I have collected for pre-k and k, that I tend to push her to get
there. Sometimes I wish that we could finally just "start school."
Fortunately, I've just finished reading some interesting articles that
have set my heart in a different direction.
First off, I read this article, "What a 4 year old should
know." A woman posed this question and received answers from a multitude of mothers
with "laundry lists" so-to-speak of all the things their son
or daughter could do. This included things like naming all the planets,
counting to 100, knowing how to write their first and last name, etc. The
author reminds us that getting through childhood isn't a race.
I'm copying and pasting her words here:
So here, I offer my list of what a 4
year old should know.
- She should know that she is loved wholly and
unconditionally, all of the time.
- He should know that he is safe and he should know how
to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He
should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he
never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is
asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back
them up.
- She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and
use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the
sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
- He should know his own interests and be encouraged to
follow them. If he couldn’t care less about learning his numbers, his
parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let
him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or
playing in the mud.
- She should know that the world is magical and that so
is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate
and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day
outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to
practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to know.
- That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do
algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he
walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
- That the single biggest predictor of high academic
achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards,
not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but
mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read
them wonderful books.
- That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in
class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught
up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them
lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest
advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
- That our children deserve to be surrounded by books,
nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could
get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but
some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative
toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments
(real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books,
books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at
thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things
too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of
course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and
glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets
everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig
up all the grass and make a mud pit.
- That our children need more of us. We have become so
good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have
used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids.
Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and
an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when
parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with
each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not
okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school
activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as
much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days,
mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time
to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take
walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring
night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as
long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a
priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.
Isn't that a great list?
Additionally, this article is about homeschooling 3 and 4 year
olds, and what you can do to get them ready. What I really took away from this
was to spend more time on building attitude and character at this age than
focusing on academics.
Here is, copy and pasted, one of my
favorite responses in article, addressing the question, "What more can I
be doing?":
I have no doubt that you can
teach your children academics before they turn five. The important question is,
should you? I would suggest that the answer is "no" for two
reasons.
First, just as a ballet dancer who starts dancing on her toes when she is too
young will ruin her legs; just as a pitcher who starts throwing fast balls when
he is too young will ruin his arm; so also a child who starts academics too
young will often ruin her eagerness for learning. What was fun when she was
three and four has become drudgery by the time she is six or seven. Then you
have to fight to make her willing to learn, the rest of her schooling.
I'll admit that this burn-out does not happen in every case of early academics,
but considering how commonly it does happen, are you willing to take
that chance, considering how much is at stake? And surprising though it may be,
you're not gaining anything by starting early. Research shows that whether a
child started reading at three or at six, their reading skills are about the
same by the time they are nine. Education is a marathon, not a sprint. What would
happen to a marathon runner who sprinted the first mile?
Second, imagine a builder who does not take the time to build a solid and true
foundation under a house. After all, what his customers want is houses! What do
they care about a pile of concrete in the ground where no one will see it? What
will happen to that house without a good foundation? (Some of us have lived in
houses like that one!)
There is a season of preparation and a season of progress. But if you hurry
through or skip over that season of preparation, then you will not have as
solid of a foundation laid when that season of progress arrives. So what can
you be doing during this season of preparation?
- As Cathi said, there is no other time like the
preschool years to work on character issues. You have more
influence on their future now than at any other time. The attitudes and
character issues you build now will impact the rest of their life. That is
not to be taken lightly. Consider the extremes. Who would you rather your
daughter married: a godly, responsible man of character who was a
ditch-digger and couldn't do long division to save his life? Or a nuclear
physicist who was a drunken, womanizing, compulsive liar? Character is
more important than all the academics in the world.
- As Julie said, take this time to educate
yourself. Read the great literature you always meant to get to. Pursue
an area of history, science, or the arts. If you are learning and growing,
you will be better able to teach your child when the time comes.
- Read, read, read
to your children. The benefits are manifold. They'll gain an appetite for
books. They'll see books as something you read for fun, not something you
have to do for school. They'll develop a greater imagination and attention
span, both important skills when the time is ripe for academics. They'll
realize that stories come from a printed page, not just from a TV set.
They'll be more eager to be able to read to themselves. They'll be able to
cuddle up with you on the couch. They'll have their minds expanded without
the stress of performing academically. The list goes on and on.
- Experience things.
Many, many things. As we learn new things, we connect them to existing
"hooks" from things we've already encountered. The more your
child encounters during these preparation years, the easier his brain will
process new things when school starts. Sing and dance together. Hold
kittens. Plant radishes (they sprout fast). Make goop from cornstarch and
water. Play in the sprinkler. Go to a duck pond. Dress up. Roll down a
hill. Watch an anthill. Touch things, feel things, experience new things.
- Play, play, play.
There is a tendency to hyper-schedule a small child's day. Remember that
there is a tremendous amount of learning and development which grow out of
play, but this can only happen if we give them time to just be kids and
create their own entertainment.
- Talk, talk, talk
to them. This will help develop their vocabulary, comprehension, thinking
skills, interpersonal and conversational skills, ability to follow
directions, and more. It will draw you closer together, make them feel
valuable, and establish a view that the world is interesting and
understandable.
And in
other sections of the article:
So there’s nothing wrong with letters and numbers. But all the non-academic
activities that people recommend for preschoolers are actually better
preparation for school. Reading to your child develops listening
skills and attention span. Projects like putting together puzzles,
stringing beads, and cutting construction paper all develop fine motor skills
and attention span. So does participating in household chores and
cooking. There’s a lot of learning in sweeping a floor, planting a garden, or
baking a batch of cookies - don’t sell them short! And of course, nature walks
and trips to the zoo or train station or children’s museum develop curiosity
and a love of learning. That’s probably the best school preparation of all.
--
Some say, "But my preschoolers are so much happier if they have workbooks
to do." Regarding early academics, just make sure that through the
preschool years, child training comes first! Remember, it's not a readiness
issue. The child may be developmentally capable of doing something; but the
important question, in light of all the research which shows that an early
start does not translate into anything except possible burnout, is "What
else can my child be doing with his time that is more valuable at 3, 4, and 5
that WILL translate into a richer life?"
If your child needs several hours of academic activities or even constant input
from you during the day in order to keep him from being bored and whiney, then
this is a much bigger problem than whether to teach him to read and write at 3
or 4. Providing schoolwork may just be masking character issues which need to
be addressed before school age. This is one of the reasons I am against early
schoolwork--it gives the child and parent something to focus on other than
those things which should properly be taught during those years. When a child
is whiney and bored, he needs to be taught how to find acceptable activities,
how to entertain a younger child, how to wait for Mom's attention, etc. Am I
making sense? Providing structure can be helpful, but not if it is a
"remedy" for character problems. Schoolwork is the easy way out.
--
You asked, "shouldn't I be doing more to prepare my 4-year-old for
school?" What you are doing now is much more important than any academic
curriculum. Please relax and know that you are laying the foundation for many
years of enjoyable and successful home schooling by concentrating on character,
discipline, and order during these early years. If you wait two years to begin
any formal education and just work on developing obedient, cheerful children
and a spirit of cooperation in the family, you will be light years ahead of the
family who begins academics at age 4 but has little control over the children.
Rest in the season in which God has placed you. Do all the research necessary
for you to make good decisions about academics, but please don't "jump the
gun" and shortchange the current season.